The Definition of the “Dating” Game

Hello Wildflowers!

So I’ve been doing some thinking as of late when it comes to men. I mean grant it I’ve been trying to figure them out since I started this whole dating game four years ago and I’m still stumped by the whole thing. Over the course of these four years I have dated every type of guy you can possibly imagine. I have done it all and I’m still going. One question that stumps me still is what is considered “dating” today? After having binge watching Friends and my all time favourite, Sex and the City, dating has a completely different meaning today than it did 20 years ago. I love watching these shows because I appreciate how real they are. I love that they depict your average women out there who isn’t married and is always finding herself in the dating game. Grant it some episodes are way over the top, but the core idea of it is still there.

Now let me back up to my initial question – what is considered dating? Over the course of my dating history profile I always took dating as the definition of seeing someone over a period of time before being a full fledged couple. Meaning you could be dating more than one guy because you are not fully committed to them, yet. It’s an open playing field for both parties. It is almost like the Bachelor but all kept very hush hush. We never know who we are up against so we just play the game in the hopes that we win in the end. Spoiler alert – I am still waiting to receive my damn rose, but that is another story in itself.

My point is this, 20 years ago dating seemed to have had a whole different meaning. After some crafty note taking this is what I have gathered from the dating game of Rachel Greene and Carrie Bradshaw. After these women went on a first date with an eligible bachelor and both parties have agreed to continue going on this conquest they automatically slapped the dating title on their relationship with these men. In other words they are fully committed to each other and have a silent agreement that they will not test the waters sort of speak with anyone else until they have both reached the end of their game. When we hear the term dating today however, we process it as a full fledged couple, which is far from the truth. Now before I begin to confuse you more than I probably already have, dating has two different meanings today. One can say that they are dating as in their meeting new people and are still on the quest to find the one. Where the other meaning, sometimes referred to as seeing someone, is introducing that person as the one you are currently dating, but you two have not agreed to the full fledged couple agreement yet. Again, you are merely just testing the waters. I have also learned over my years of dating that men do not like using the term dating. They refuse on all accounts to use it because to them dating translates to an official couple, the last thing they want on their hands. So instead they resort to the term seeing because it has a less scarier meaning to them.

Again let me further explain my point on this – for years I have told people that I haven’t dated anyone since my last failed full pledged relationship which was four years ago. I’ve been going on dates and “seeing” men for weeks or months on end, but it never lead to anything more than just that. Now, if I were to consider the meaning of dating as it had 20 years ago than I have dated approximately 10 men over these past four years. To me that sounds a little more hopeful in my future endeavours with men than saying that I have dated no one. Let me clarify this though, I do not and will never regret the decision of ending things with men after so many weeks or months. I have stood by with all my decisions and it has made me stronger person for it. I know what I want and I won’t settle for anything just to prove to the world that I can be in a relationship. I am very much like Carrie Bradshaw – a writer, a fashion enthusiast and we both find ourselves fretting over our love life, but in the end we are determined that our time will come and we will receive that red rose one way or another.

So to this I leave you with this final thought – dating is defined in a way that you see it as. See it as a chapter in your life, not as a love story that has gone wrong. If you want to consider all past men that you have gone out with, regardless of the time frame, as dating, you are entitled to that. As for me, dating is just merely a game that I am constantly finding myself losing at, but managing to collect some memorable (and not to mention beyond humorous) stories along the way.

In other words I guess one can say that I am living and to me that is winning.



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